Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize