i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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