Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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