Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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