You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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