I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You are a genius and a whore.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
