Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
