time to smoke my breakfast
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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