we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize