I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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