Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
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I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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