You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
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She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
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I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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