Do you still have your period?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
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Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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