I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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