I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i already hear my dad disowning me
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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