just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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