im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
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Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
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Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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