Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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