The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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