A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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