the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
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Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
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btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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