She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
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they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
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When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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