Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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