ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize