I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
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Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
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He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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