I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
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You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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