I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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