The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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