What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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