the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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