My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize