You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
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There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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