evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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