Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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