The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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