I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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