With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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