wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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