My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
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day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
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I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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