we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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