You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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