So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
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Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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