just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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