Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
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I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
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ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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