i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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