Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
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somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
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Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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