honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize