i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize