Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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