I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize