I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
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The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
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Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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