how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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