Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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